ADMISSIONS

Do you have what it takes to be a journalism student? Before you get too excited about changing the world or reshaping American society in a fairer, more progressive image, see if you can meet our requirements.

Requirements

Please make sure you meet these requirements:

You must be open minded with regard to rights.
As a journalism student, you will be exposed to the inherent dangers of individual rights and to the virtues of more equitable and controllable group rights. Don't bring your prejudices into this place of equality.
You must be non-Christian and non-Jewish, or at least non-practicing.
Practicing Christians and Jews often hold core values. These anachronisms conflict with the requirements of journalism. Journalism isn't about your dogma and scruples.
You must be a registered Democrat, socialist, communist, or other Progressive party member.
There is no place in journalism or school for a conservative. No one wants to work with or listen to a racist, bigot, homophobe.
You must be willing and able to attend weekly protests and demonstrations.
Journalism is activism. At Journalism School you'll dive into the deep and quickly get into the habit of making Progressive activism a part of your weekly life. No, you don't have to know what you're protesting.

Mitigating Factors

If you fail to meet some requirements, perhaps you can qualify with an exemption:

Were you raised by two moms or two dads?
If so, you're exactly the kind of person who will make a good journalist. A modern family is the basis of Progressive utopia.
Are your parents divorced (and you were raised by your mother)?
If your father abandoned you it is likely that you will have a better understanding of the evils of patriarchy, which can help in your journalism work.
Are you in the US "illegally?"
Regardless of your so-called legal status, we respect and honor your effort to make your own rules. Just remember to follow ours or we'll report your nonconformist ass to the authorities.
Are you really hot?
This generally goes against everything our Progressive activism stands for, but really hot guys and ladies make for good journalists. No one cares what you say if you're no fun to look at, honey.

If you meet at least 4 qualifications (adding any mitigating factors if necessary) start your journalism education today!

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